I make my journey very public. Sometimes it's not easy...alot of the times it's not easy. The stigma of society still shushes the mother that's mourning. Whether the test was positive for only a day, you've carried for weeks and made it through that "safe zone" (I hate that phrase), or you've carried and bore a perfectly formed little person that never took a breath. It seems like everyone around you is stuck like a record player.
"You should really keep that private" "You can always have another" "They're in a better place" "I guess it just wasn't in God's Plan" This is not what a mother who's lost needs to hear. These are the last things she needs to hear. She needs a hug. She needs you to listen to her. She needs to know that it's not fair and you are so incredibly sorry her little passed away. Loss is loss. There are different degrees of loss. No two experiences are the same. However you need to grieve, do so. When I lost my children I felt so alone. Many well-intentioned persons tried to offer their abounding insight and wisdom on my experience, one they did not share. Everyone wants to say the right thing. I've lived through the horror TWICE and I still don't know what the right thing to say is. With my openness of my experiences I have had so many friends, acquaintances, and even strangers approach me. Everyone feels alone. Desperate for a connection or someone who knows how they are feeling in their grief. It's crazy to me to see all these women approach me on a weekly basis. Loss is everywhere. It's devastating and it is so incredibly lonely. Keep talking to me. If your journey does not include putting yourself on a public platform like I choose- then still know I am here. Know that no matter what stage your loss was I will cry with you. I will not try and placate you with shallow words and positive spins. I am here for you. I am here to listen to you. I am here to remember your child with you. Know that you are not alone and your grief is valid. That your child does matter. That it is NOT fair. Come to me and let me help share your sadness and anger. You are not burdening me with your pain. I carry it too, let me share your heavy load. To the mother who no one sees... who's children are not in her arms, I see you. To the mother with her whole brood in tow but is still missing a little voice in the back seat, I see you. There's nothing you did to earn this. Nothing you could have done to prevent this. God is not punishing you. I really have no answer. It's simply not fair. Come to me. Talk to me. Judgement does not reside here. You are safe from clumsy words and pity stares. I still think of your babies often. I am here for you and see you, Momma. |
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