The word "parent" is both a noun and a verb. My boys made me a mom, but Nora made me a parent. The same went for my husband. He always had the title of "Dad" but now he has been able to put into action all the instincts that laid dormant until Nora was brought home. Raising a baby is hard work. Like, really hard. We are designed to have these little babies and care for them and raise them to become fine little people. As a SAHM who breastfeeds and baby wears it can be easy to get caught up in my own journey of motherhood. My rainbow responds to my touch, face, and voice differently than her father. And at this stage of her life that is to be expected. Dad really has ALOT to offer but c'mon.... #worthlessnipples.
Because of this- I found myself stepping in too often. I put this added pressure on myself to intervene when the baby started to fuss and when I did that... I was not allowing her father to parent. I can't expect to be able to take care of myself if I am not willing to accept help, yes. But, a father isn't a "helper", he is a partner. He is a Parent Partner. (I need to get that trademarked). Instead of stripping him of his confidence, help enable him. My husband is a prime example of a man that wants to help, is desperate to calm his baby but feels inept (which, he's totally not) due to lack of experience. It's pretty discouraging to comfort a baby only to be rewarded by louder cries. My parent partner is capable. I just so happen to have the tools that aid me in comforting the baby quicker. I've learned the cues because of all my time spent with her and, let's not discredit the Mom-gut. There is frozen milk in the freezer. There's a solly wrap hanging in the nursery. He can rock and sway just as well as me. ... honestly, probably better because I have no rhythm. He has "Old Town Road" downloaded on his phone as that is an instant baby-shusher (ask me how I know.) Our baby gets more face-time with me. I clearly have the advantage, I'm Mom. But, he's Dad. Let him work out the whimpering. Encourage him. Sometimes, I've found myself nervously outside the door fighting the desire to swoop in and comfort our girl; but, if I wait just long enough they figure it out. Even this past weekend Nora was due for a nap. She was working herself up into "The Danger-zone" aka being overtired. But, instead of whisking her away, I coached her father through what works for me. I taught him what I have learned through being with her throughout the week. I silently worked out of eye sight to position her just right so she would feel secure and comfortable enough to nap. It took several minutes. He wavered slightly but I encouraged him to continue and sure enough he did it! Let their father's parent. Enable your partner to join you in raising your children. Intervening may need to happen sometimes for the sake of the child but help your partner parent, too. I can't be there every moment. I need to take care of myself. I need some time in the gym to be healthy. I need to shower. I need to eat. I need to run errands without a baby getting antsy in a carseat. Gosh, sometimes I need sleep and he can change a middle of the night diaper just as well as me. Allow their father to actively parent. Not only will this allow you the freedom and confidence to focus on other things but it helps foster a healthy and loving relationship between baby and Dad. It will help your relationship too because resentment gets squashed pretty quickly when someone is covered in poo right next to you in the trenches. Let me say though... When it comes to the middle of the night feedings and your parent partner is drooling in dreamland with his #worthlessnippless I have no helpful advice. Except, there's always Amazon Prime, so treat yo'self. |
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