together. - Don't go back to work; do you want someone else to raise your baby?" Oy, vey.
I teetered with my decision. I felt "mommy-shamed" for wanting to stay home cause I didn't want to miss a single moment.... and my trust in the ability for others to take care of my baby was nonexistent (that's another post for another day). I wanted to go back to work because I didn't want to lose who I am in the throes of raising a little. I felt "mommy-shamed" for wanting to return to work and be with the people I Iove to be around. Then I realized I wasn't being "mommy-shamed". I was feeling "mommy-guilt". "Mom-guilt" is real and it feels terrible, y'all. The fear of being a mother that isn't doing enough or being enough for her kids. A mom that isn't enough for her kids; kind of an oxymoron, huh? Yet, time and time again moms everywhere feel the weight of not doing enough... sacrificing enough...being enough for their children. We can control our mom guilt. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it. But, we totally can. Once I looked past what I first perceived as "mom-shaming" I actually saw a sea of mothers who were giving their own experiences and what helped them and what didn't. And that Mommas, is the key. I mistook their passion for their decisions for their children for something it wasn't. Find what works for YOU and YOUR children. YOUR family. And, recognize that it's enough. It is your best in this moment. Do not feel guilt for doing what you can do and what is your best. And, this goes for mother's who breast feed (and the sub group of 'cover vs no cover') and those that formula feed. And mother's who make their babies food and those that buy it pre-packaged. Those that have a beautiful decked out nursery and those that share their room with baby. ...The list goes on forever. Now, many times I've seen mothers unintentionally "mommy-shame" due to their own guilt of wishing and wanting to do things differently. Get out of the cycle. Control your "mom-guilt". Shoo it away, take away its power. Change your perspective. You are doing, and have done, your finest. Recognize you're doing your best and don't feel bad for not awarding your child an opportunity you wished you had provided. I am going to try and take my own advice over the coming weeks, months, and maybe even years. Once I pushed aside what other's thought (and my own feelings of guilt) I made my decision to stay home based on my family and what I could do; based on my family life right now. And, that's MY decision. Make your own. Have confidence in your choices. Be resolute. Because, you are a bad ass mom and you are enough. |
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