I'm sure it makes some people uncomfortable. Oh, how sad- they must think. The looks of pity fall upon her. The disapproving whispers of people who think that enough time has passed. Shouldn't she be over it. It's been long enough. She should really focus her energy and attention to her living child and stop living in the past.
Never will "enough" time pass. Never will her heart "heal". Time will soldier forward. With time will come some moments of peace, but also big moments of grief. Milestones will come and go. The true reality of her loss will never fully set in. With each new experience she is awarded with a living child she will gain a deeper understanding of who and what she has truly lost. A stillborn baby is a baby that is born with no heartbeat. A baby that has grown and been nurtured for months in the womb only to be born still. In the moment they are born no cry fills the room. The silence is deafening. It's the moment that will haunt a loss mother's dreams; yet, fill her heart with such intense joy for the rest of her life. She has carried that baby, labored for hours, and delivered that infant with no reward of feeling his/her hot little breaths on her chest. How can you miss someone so much that you only just met? A birthday is a day that marks the day that a person was born. That a person was met with loving arms and soft kisses. It's a day that warrants a celebration. Every birthday is meant to be celebrated and to be commemorated. A stillbirthday is a day to support the loss mother. There is no party to plan. No children to RSVP. No cake to decorate and no presents to buy. There's no little person blowing out candles with a wish under his/her breath. Instead, there's a mother who's wishing that things were different. She's celebrating the day that she met and said good bye to a piece of her heart, forever. Be kind to her. Remember with her. Do not look upon her with pity. Do not judge what you do not understand. Every mother deserves to remember with fondness these special occasions. Give grace. Give support. Say their names. Celebrate with her as you would any other birthday. Because, a stillbirthday is still a birthday. It is the eve of Marek Christopher's stillbirthday. As of December 18th he will be 2 years into infinity in heaven. How my heart yearns for this sweet strawberry blonde boy. Happy Birthday, Marek. Momma love you. |
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